“In more than 30 years as a family mediator, I have never come across a book that so clearly and helpfully addresses the full experience of divorce, touching on all areas of a family's life as they navigate a complex, emotion-filled and challenging transition. Fiona McAuslan and Peter Nicholson have created a readable, sensible and useful guide to separation and divorce. Couples who read and use the information and self-guided lessons in this book will be able to make the significant decisions regarding their children, finances and futures with greater self-confidence, heightened clarity and personal dignity. I intend to share this book with each family with whom I have the privilege to work and with my professional colleagues.”
Michael Lang, family mediator, professor of Conflict Resolution and editor-in-chief of Mediation Quarterly, Sarasota, Florida
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“This is a great book. It does what the authors set out to do: it helps the two people who started a relationship together to deal with the end of that relationship. This help is provided in a clear, compassionate and practical way.
The authors respect the role of the lawyer – which is to work for justice and particularly to ensure that the weak are made equal to the strong. They do not give legal or financial advice. But every lawyer should respect what is so well taught in this book – that talking, listening and all the new ideas of conflict resolution will, in most situations, be a better way than the adversarial way.
They teach about talking, which should be clear and truthful, and about good listening – listening with complete attention and with the heart. I like the way the authors have allowed some people’s stories to be told. We all should listen but particularly to the voices of the children. Then we will understand what this book is about and why it is so very welcome.”
Turlough O’Donnell, Senior Council
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“This illustrated book is an essential and rich resource for all couples who are separating, in particular those who have children, as it helps them to understand and focus on what they each need to do to achieve a positive future, for themselves and for their children.
Separation and divorce can be a stressful, traumatic and/or conflict-ridden time and separating couples often need practical and timely assistance to negotiate the hurdles they face and to ensure that lasting plans are made that serve each of their best interests and the long-term interests and needs of their children.
The authors provide useful information about processes of change, decision making and negotiation, and various pathways that separating couples can take, and also provide comprehensive financial information, including information about budgets, assets, debts, pensions, wills and succession rights. They offer a range of choices for separating couples to consider in relation to the family home, their children and parenting arrangements, and illustrate their points with real-life stories of people who have experienced separation. The information and downloads they provide are also a very useful resource for service providers in this field of practice.”
Dr Dale Bagshaw, visiting professor, School of Law and Business, National University of Ireland, Maynooth and adjunct associate professor, School of Psychology, Social Work and Social Policy, University of South Australia
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“As a family mediator I have been involved in mediating family disputes around separation in Ireland for over a decade, and I wish this book had been available to my clients before now.
This book will be a friend and a guide to you; it will help you figure out how to take one step at a time. More importantly, you will feel the authors’ support for you on these pages as you assess your choices. There may be times when you feel overwhelmed, or blinded by grief, anger, sadness, or fear of the future.
I will be recommending this book to all my future clients, and to their family members – who regularly contact me and seek advice about the best way to support their relative.”
Julie McAuliffe, family mediator and conflict resolution consultant
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“This is a well-thought-out and practical presentation. The reality of relationships ending is explored in a systemic way that includes great sensitivity to the parenting relationship.”
Raymond O’Sullivan, clinical manager, Clanwilliam Institute
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“This is an excellent guide: comprehensive and very accessible. It will be invaluable for couples going through the minefield of separation and divorce. It will help them focus on their children’s needs and move forward with dignity and self-respect.”
Polly Phillimore, national coordinator of the Family Mediation Services, Ireland
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“The experience of separation or divorce is like dropping a stone into a still pond – the ripples keep going and reach much further than the centre. How people handle their separation has life-long effects, not just on them but on those around them, their children and their future relationships. This is a commonsense, practical guide which at the same time is full of compassion and understanding for everyone affected. It works throughout to help parents keep their children in mind and to protect their interests. It helps those at the centre of the turmoil develop perspective so that they can best plan for a future that they did not anticipate.”
Freda McKittrick, head of Guardian ad Litem Service, Barnardos.
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“This book steers away from hyperbole and is an essential handbook for all experiencing family problems.”
Joe Maguire, family lawyer, collaborative practitioner and mediator
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“Written in a style that is easily accessible, Fiona and Peter set out in this book the various paths that separating couples need to consider. The questions and exercises proposed at different stages in the reading will focus the mind of anyone going through a separation or divorce and increase their clarity about decision making during this difficult time. It is clear that the lessons to be learned from reading the book are drawn from Fiona’s extensive experience in working with couples who are separating. This book will prove a lifesaver for many separating couples.”
Delma Sweeney, programme director, Mediation and Conflict Intervention,
School of Business, National University of Ireland, Maynooth
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“This book deals authoritatively with both the emotional and the practical difficulties associated with separation and divorce, while at the same time reminding those going through the experience that it is possible to get through this dark period and come out stronger. It’s written with great clarity and empathy and the illustrations complement this style. The role of mediation in helping separating couples work through their situation is explained and given its place alongside the other options, but there is no sense that people are being pushed in any particular direction.”
Brendan Donaghy, editor of Mediation Digest
You can buy the book online or at all good book stores.
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